Introducing Armed Prophet's "NO + (O x n)" system.
Sometimes Armed Prophet will be surfing the internet and will come across a story that grabs me, shocks me, or makes me cringe, usually while snorting with laughter. (You should hear it sometime -- Armed Prophet can snort.) Oftentimes I'd like to post the link, but I have no comment to make. Sometimes I can't think of anything, some are just too dumb to warrant a response. It's the kind of thing that just makes me want to shout (and then type) NOOOOOO!! I think you know what Armed Prophet means.
Just today I saw such a story, and I will indeed bring it to you. And with it, I will impose a system that I plan to use for some time to come.
But first, some fun with Google: What follows is a list of every variation on the "Noooo!" "word" that returned over 1,000 hits on the current leading search engine.
NO -- 400,000,000+
NOO -- 202,000
NOOO -- 113,000
NOOOO -- 104,000
NOOOOO -- 73,200
NOOOOOO -- 48,700
NOOOOOOO -- 31,900
NOOOOOOOO -- 26,400
NOOOOOOOOO -- 19,700
NOOOOOOOOOO -- 14,100
NOOOOOOOOOOO -- 10,800
NOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 9,350
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 7,080
Google, ever helpful, politely asks:
- Did you mean: "NOOOOOOOOOOO"?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 5,890
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 4,930
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 4,290
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 3,610
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 2,950
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 2,640
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 2,140
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 1,980
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 1,690
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 1,440
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 1,310
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -- 1,160
As you can see, it's a popular expression, in all its many forms. But 25 O's is just a bit too many, isn't it? Armed Prophet thinks so, but I do like to use the system -- and if it isn't already obvious, I'm laying down some personal ground rules. No one else need follow them (but I wouldn't object if you did).
Hereafter, Armed Prophet will use a standard system wherein the O's following the N will number 1 to 10. Simple objection will be registered with "No!"; "Nooooo!" shall be deployed in case of offensive but inconsequential things like this; and a full-scale "Noooooooooo!" will be reserved only for the most blood-curdling of horrors.
Further complicating matters is the number of superlative exclamation points following the "NO." Armed Prophet rarely uses more than three total, and generally allots them according to the same way as above. Therefore, you are much more likely to get "NO!" and "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" than "NO!!!" and "NOOOOOOOOOO!"
Just so we're clear. When Armed Prophet gets around to commissioning a redesign and adds a FAQ, some form of this post will ultimately go there.
Now, as I promised: NOOOOO!!